when i was asked a few wees ago to attend my mother-in-laws 60th birthday party i was a little nervious,for one thing my partner is at the moment having issues with drinking and it would be hard to keep him away from all that temptation and i would have to be nice to lots of people im not to fond of.But the party turned out to be one of the best ever.
Some time ago i confided in a friend i had fallen in love with someone else while i have been with my partner,and while i had come to terms with this feeling i had found it difficult in social situations when he was present.Well he was at the party sporting a new girl friend so i wasnt sure how it would make me feel and how hard it would be to conseal my feelings.She was lovley a truley wonderful girl and i found on talking to her we had a lot in commen.As often happens befor long she was talking to me about her relationship with this guy and it was rearly difficult for me to hear but then something wonderful happened to me,through talking to her i realised that i was the onlyone to find him flustrating and emotionaly void.I felt such mixed emotions,i felt sorry for her and vindicated all in the same moment,it was as if god was talking to me and rewarding me for my control and responsability through out what has been a difficult thing to handle.You see i love my partner,with all my heart he is my best friend and when all these feelings came up it felt like betrail.I had always been taught that its not ok to love more than one person at a time,and there must be something wrong with me to let this happen.The whole experience has been a steep learning curve!
So here i am at this party i dont want to be at and im having a conversation with god! indirectly hes there talking through this girl!telling me that these feelings mean im ok im not fucked up,im a thinking feeling human being who loves freely and thats ok!,I have never felt so in touch.The party was wonderful,mum was so relaxed and the room was filled with love,and me,well im on the road to liking myself more and understanding that love is never a bad thing and it can learn you so much about yourself and the world.